Relationships

3 reasons why men cheat

Cheating on your woman can have serious consequences. Understand why it happens before it actually does.

14 years as a relationship therapist, I’ve had countless women in my office who have been disappointed by discovering that their partner has cheated on them. And it’s not unusual for me to see men who are perplexed by their own behaviour that has undermined a good or great relationship.

These are some of the common excuses I’ve heard from men who i asked why they cheated.

“I wouldn’t have to cheat, If I were getting more or good sex at home, ”

This line is as old as time. Truth be told, having a lackluster sex life with your significant other is not an automatic pass for cheating. They may be many reasons why your partner is not interested in sex, and some which don’t have anything to do with you.

The only way to have better or frequent sex with your partner is to talk to them, work it out, and then have better sex. Why don’t they want sex right now? Before you lash out on her, ask her how she’s doing. Listen to what she has to say without interrupting. Women are as complicated as they may seem. Tell her you miss the sex/intimacy, and why.

 

“I didn’t actually have sex, so it wasn’t cheating”

This takes us back to the famous Bill Clinton line, “I did not have sexual relations with woman,” where President Clinton got us thinking, what exactly does he think is the definition of sex?

True, there are different levels of intimacy, kissing or even sexting can be just as damaging as sex. When you act on an attraction to someone outside the relationship, it doesn’t matter so much what you actually do. The damage was acting alone, leaving your partner oblivious to your actions, and powerless.

“If my wife were kinder or more supportive I wouldn’t cheat on her”

Part of this excuse, at its core, has some truth. If your spouse is not being supportive, it’s hard to get in the mood. But cheating, just brings in more pain for everyone. And physical changes, down or up, are part of what you agreed to when the relationship started. No one looks the same as they did at 25 when they turn 55.

Here are three reasons why men actually cheat.

1.) Revenge

If you’re angry with your wife, cheating can feel like a powerful revenge. In this case, you’re disrespecting two women at the same time. You are getting back at your wife with a woman who you don’t think so highly of. Any potential new relationship that starts from such infidelity is tainted with a bad beginning.

2. Compulsions, Addictions.

If you’re struggling with other problems, like drug or alcohol abuse, your decision-making may be compromised. Cheating in that situation is a manifestation of a bigger problem, addiction.

3. To destroy or sabotage a relationship

This cheating is an attempt to end a relationship. Instead of breaking up with your partner the right way, you carelessly cheat on her hoping she finds out. For most people, men and women, this action is easier to carry out than to end a relationship.

Bottom line, cheating on your partner has heartbreaking consequences. If you think you are likely to hurt the one you love, reach out to your partner, to talk about what’s  not working for you in the relationship. It can be a hard conversation to have, but not as hard as telling your partner that you’ve cheated on them.

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