I didn’t actually believe dating a short person was a thing, I just knew that I wasn’t going to do it. ‘That’s my dealbreaker,’ I would drunkenly state to people while at uni, when I was truly smart in the methods of the heart. ‘It’s simply weird.’ Of course, that indicated within a number of years I was going out with a man who was considerably much shorter than me (6 inches when I’m in heels, to be exact). And still am, 3 years later. Dealbreakers are bullshit.
Recently, there have been research studies declaring that very short men divorce less, do more around the house and make much better partners. While studies like this are as bullshit as relationship dealbreakers– my partner is crap at the majority of domestic activities, and who knows if he’ll divorce loads or not– I’m pleased that science has stopped crapping on very short men. Even if it is sort of patronising. What do you suggest, very short people can really make good sweethearts? Are you joking? Is this a joke? Wow, my mind has actually been blown, and so on
. Still, there are a couple of things you’ll just know if you’ve been in the special position of dating someone much shorter than you. Such as …
1. People will constantly make comments
It took precisely two weeks from the point we began going out for me to ignore the reality that my boyfriend is significantly much shorter than me. I remember the time frame, since he was doing a gig (he’s a comedian) and me and my finest mate went to view. Afterwards, when he came off stage and nipped outside for a cigarette, my mate said, ‘Awww, he’s so little!’ and I re-remembered that yes, he’s quite little. I ‘d forgotten up until then, due to the fact that, as you ‘d anticipate, the height distinction doesn’t really make any real distinction at all. 3 years on and individuals still comment.
The concerns are generally along the lines of, ‘What does it feel like?’ (The same as if he were taller.) ‘Do you use heels?’ (Yes.) ‘Does he mind you using heels?’ (No.) ‘God, I could not do that.’ (Is that a concern? I do not understand how to respond to that.) Now, I do not usually mind, but periodically I get quite pissed off and snappy. His mate, for example, when came onto me by highlighting my boyfriend’s height and discussing how he himself would go to the health club all the time and happened to be 6ft. I think the phrase ‘genuine guy’ was utilized. I think the phrase, ‘You’re a c ** t’ was also utilized, by me.
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2. The very short male thing is quite sexist, when you consider it
Maybe the questions and comments are a patriarchal hangover from a time when men were expected to raise girls onto horses and joust for their honour. Well, my partner can lift me every which way, although I’ve never seen him joust (and surely it’s all dependant on the height of the horse?), however back to the point: this deformed mindset that high people = protective is a bizarre one. First of all, what are you, an Edwardian? And second of all, my 5ft 7in (ish) partner is way better at batting off weird guys in clubs than my 6ft something ex was (regardless of the truth that I’m perfectly efficient in sticking up for myself, obvs). When we went out last time, men who tried to dance with me were met with my partner attempting to kiss them on the mouth. He also when forcibly pushed a man out of a bar for feeling my arse.
3. You’ll need to prop him up on nights out
Ah, yeah. When you’re both drunk and he’s at boob height, a short man will keep falling in between your boobs when he’s too intoxicated to stand up. Partially because you’re tall enough to support him, and partly because it’s an excuse to put his face in your tits. Individuals tend to find this endearing, particularly those with tall partners, because it looks like you’re really caring and maternal. Signs you need to push him off include: sudden motorboating while giggling, giggling, and saying ‘boobies’ while giggling.
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4. He can also prop you up on nights out
Remarkably, height has literally absolutely nothing to do with strength. I’m somewhat beanpole-esque and my sweetheart is constructed like a tank (a good tank. One that looks good in fighters and gives good hugs), which means that when I can’t stand up, he can bulldoze through crowds while supporting my weight. Likewise, don’t challenge a very short guy to a wrestling match because all their strength is quite compact and you’ll get winded.
5. Short guy syndrome is a thing
However it’s no more of a syndrome than I have for being high. Individuals constantly say they’re intimidated by me, which I discover really icy cold like a stalagmite, and when I ask why, they discuss my height. Also, when I go to parties and spend ages on my hair, no one effing notices due to the fact that they’re too hectic referring to the truth that I’m sooooo high– which is why I in some cases tend to slouch, or loom calmly over people in the shadows. Like Slenderman. A minimum of the so-called short male syndrome is amusing; my boyf is essentially a duracel bunny in human type and does not truly give a shit about his height. When I went to take my shoes off to kiss him on his birthday last year, he said, ‘No! I like you in heels. I feel like Tom Cruise in the late ’90s.’ What’s syndrome-y about that?
6. You won’t actually offer a shit
It doesn’t even enter my conscious mind any longer– apart from when my editor states, ‘Let’s find somebody who has a much shorter sweetheart than them to extol their virtues,’ obviously.
When I use heels, I can put my arm around his shoulders and walk with a sort of moving human beanbag. When he selects me up while we’re crazydancing in clubs, he usually drops me on my head, however it’s always extremely amusing. When he is sad, he curls up beside me in a ball with his head on my chest and it’s the prettiest thing ever. He’s never ever asked me to get things from the leading shelf because he can’t reach, nor do I require to take off my shoes to give him a snog. He is a bit very short, yes. Much like he is a public schoolboy posho and a movie addict and can make a nigh-on exciting homemade guacamole. It’s simply among the numerous things that comprise who he is, and why I’m going out with him.
When individuals say, ‘Oh God, I might never ever do that,’ I want to inform them that there are many worse things a sweetheart could be. Violent, for example. A prick. A woman-hater. A racist. A mummy’s kid. A supporter of flip-flops worn with socks. If you genuinely think that a man being shorter than you is a total dealbreaker, then you require to take a good tough look at yourself and stop being so goddamn immature. Look, I did alert you that I can get a bit stylish and defensive in some cases.
7. He’ll eliminate you if you write a short article about the reality he’s very short and release it on the internet